Sexless relationship advice
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Sexless Relationship? Hidden Asexuality Could Cause It

Posted On April 23, 2017 at 1:45 pm by / 4 Comments

Sexless relationship? Is your partner simply playing hard to get or are they asexual?

Sexless relationship

Just like gay, lesbian… and all the other variants in human sexuality, asexuality can hide in a closet awaiting to be discovered by wisdom-driven life experiences. Your sexless relationship may not be a product of routine or boredom. You or your partner may be asexually inclined!

Sexless Relationship: The Asexuality Link.

The girl/boy cliche that always ends in happily ever after (sex assumed too) isn’t a good relationship model at all. Some of us (many actually) don’t line up to lie down for any ideal. That goes for those ideals imagined by our partner and those we see in them. 

The fact is, sex, touch and libido are personal things. Some of us like this, some like that. Attraction, sexual frequency and differing preferences in the bedroom can make forever after a little rocky. The road to paradise is made even more challenging when asexuality moves in to block it.

About one percent of the population is said to be asexual. That’s about the same as all the other non-heterosexual types. It’s regularly overlooked because there’s a general understanding that we are all attracted to someone. Sex is assumed. If it’s not working then blame goes towards the partner or a method of lovemaking, work, children, exhaustion.

Sex is NOT for everyone and this should be a real consideration – for both parties. It’s not an illness. It’s not a fad. Asexuality is just a sexuality type. [There is a lot more detailed information about asexuality on this specialist asexuality website ]

And it’s not about not having good sex. It’s not about not having a caring and sensitive partner. It’s not about the partner at all.  They just happen to suffer when nothing else seems to make sense.

ss1Asexual + [any other] Sexual = Sexless Relationship.

An asexual requires nil sex. That’s all it is, nothing more.

If you’re the partner to an asexual then this is great news. Your sexless relationship isn’t your fault. You’re not the cause. You’ve simply tried to live a normal life and asexuality has caught up with your other half. 

If you’re the asexual, you’ve a long road ahead… and so has your partner. What you do with this new knowledge will determine whether your sexless relationship will remain as it is or moves ahead.

Pride, bone headedness and religious tradition often blocks our pathway to new understandings. 

If you’re having therapy for a sexless relationship, bring up the topic of asexuality with your counsellor. If they dismiss your concerns, stick to your guns. Relationship counsellors live in the same crazy society we do. It’s easy for them to hold onto tradition too.

Remember: It wasn’t too long ago we didn’t accept same-sex lifestyles. Now we have those and many more.

love

Asexuality is real. Sexless relationships and asexuality are often tied together. The question you’re probably asking is: How would I know for sure or how come I didn’t know?

The site link I provided earlier will provide clues – although don’t expect one-word answers. Readers need to judge using all the advice. The info is revised quite often. Checking in every so often helps.

I wrote a novel on a sexless relationship, turning it into a psychological thriller with neo-noir overtones. It follows a couple who haven’t yet broken down the heterosexual stereotypes. Hanging onto tradition and old-world beliefs almost kills their marriage. Enjoy reading it today!

Michael Forman Author

Michael Forman (Author/Photographer/Sailor) BOOKS STORE SUBSCRIBE

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4 thoughts on “Sexless Relationship? Hidden Asexuality Could Cause It

  1. that asexuals sluhod be “raped” into normalcy, or that bisexuals don’t exist, nor do I “hate” and “fear” asexuals or anything else. All I can say is that if the asexuals who commented are representative of the so-called asexual comunity then what a bunch of touchy, silly, self-absorbed ninnies you are! What’s ridiculous is that my original “beef” — if that’s what is was — wasn’t even with people who identify as asexual, but with those in the GLBT community who wanted to consider asexuals another oppressed sexual minority. I’m sorry but I have issues with this because:a.) How can people who are not sexual be a “sexual”minority? It’s ludicrous.b.) The jury is still out on whether or not most or even any asexuals are actually born that way. [Stop quoting Kinsey at me, for christ’s sake! That study was done sixty years ago and while it was admirable in many ways it was also seriously flawed in others. So is another recent study claiming 1% of the population is asexual. Any one who hadn’t had sex in a year was labled asexual! There are millions of people who probably haven’t had sex in a year but it doesn’t make them “asexual.” Most “studies” can say just about anything the researchers want them to say. c.) While one poster did explain in intelligent (surprise!) fashion the isolation that some asexuals feel, most seem to say they are perfectly happy without sexual feelings. I’m a bit tired of people trying to relate this to being gay. Young people with all sorts of issues can feel “isolated” and so on — fat girls, unathletic boys. Should we add an F or U to GLBT? One can be sympathetic to a group of people without instantly thinking of them as another oppressed sexual minority.d.) Speaking of which, I have trouble seeing asexuals as a persecuted minority group a la gays, African-Americans, Jews etc. Oh, I’m sorry — did I forget about how millions of you asexuals were rounded up and put in death camps? Excuse me for my “ignorance.” I’m aware that as a gay — and Jewish — man (How interesting that everyone has harped on my being gay and my gay identity even though the word Jewish is also prominent, as is Author etc.) I’m supposed to accept every fashionable notion that comes along relating to sex (or, in this case, no sex, or at least no sexual feelings) but I’m sorry if I can’t comply in this case. I still say that someone who declares him or herself or anybody else an asexual without first getting a complete medical check up and speaking to a sex therapist is an idiot! Lack of sexual feelings can be attibuted to depression, subconscious child- hood traumas, various medical, emotional, and psychological disorders etc. I’m not afraid of asexuals — why the hell sluhod I be? — but why are you so afraid of sex (some of you at least)? I recognized from the first that when I talk of “treatment” I would be letting myself open to the usual “but people think GAYS sluhod be ‘treated'” business, but — as one commenter put it — asexuality is all rather new while homosexuality has been studied for DECADES. The jury is still out on asexuality. Sorry if this bugs people seeking an identity.To me the asexual “movement” also smacks of a certain snide puritannical, anti-sex, attitude that I just can’t relate to, being a lusty man. [Not being able to relate to somebody or some fad doesn’t make anyone a hateful bigot. I’m sure many of you can’t relate to being gay — that doesn’t automatically make you homophobic.] Perhaps asexuality is simply an attitude more than an orientation.Honestly I don’t give a damn if people are or think of themselves as being asexual. It’s your business. But at this point I take the asexual movement about as seriously as I do scientology. I mean, we’ve got a movement started by a 19 year old college kid who, for all we know, doesn’t know if he’s coming or going, and who could even identify as something else in a couple of years. Twenty-somethings who declare that “I’ve been aseuxal all of my life.” All of your life! You’ve only been on the planet for about five minutes! I’m not saying people sluhod be ashamed of lacking sexual feelings. And if openly asexual people start being fired from their jobs or denied marriage rights, I’ll be behind them. But as for my blog post CREATING oppression — Jeez, I’m hardly that powerful! And there are certainly enough gullible people willing to support the asexual movement that you don’t need to worry. And, no, I’m not afraid of the A movement taking attention away from gays for the simple reason that we live in a society that is fascinated by sex, not the lack of it. We live in an age of fads, cults, fashionable notions, and people too afraid of being called bigots to say what they really believe. I decided when I started this blog that there would be No Bullshit, that I would say what was on my mind without fear, that I would not be concerned about being politically correct all the time, and that at all times I would display a sense of humor. Surely SOME asexuals can see the humor in all of this?Let me put it this way. If years ago when I was in the Gay Activists Alliance someone told me that approx. a quarter of a century later a bunch of asexuals would want to tar and feather me, I would have said “in what looney tunes alternate universe would THAT ever happen.”Looks like the looney tunes alternate universe is upon us. Forgive me if I’d rather stay in my universe — you can all stay in yours with no complaint from me!As usual, I wish everyone well with your own individual psycho-dramas. P.S. To the person who claimed that the Stonewall riots were caused in part by lesbians being forced into heterosexuality or whatever, I wrote an article years ago in which I interviewed people who were actually present in the Stonewall during the riots, and/or who participated and you’re not really accurate in your assertions. Don’t try and tell a long-time gay activist and professional writer and reporter gay history, please! [Next you’ll be saying that asexuals started the Stonewall rebellion!]

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